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Are You Really Listening to Your Child?

Wed, 28 Oct 2026 16:47:35 GMT

Maybe your child isn't trying to give you a hard time- they're trying to tell you something.

Your child screams.
Slams a door.
Shuts down.
Says, “Forget it!”
Or insists, “You never listen to me!”

Your first reaction might be to correct the behavior.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”
“Stop slamming doors.”
“Calm down.”

And yes, boundaries matter. But before we focus on the behavior, it may be worth asking:

What is your child trying to communicate?

Sometimes big behavior is a sign that a child feels unheard, misunderstood, frustrated, or disconnected.

That doesn't mean screaming or slamming doors is okay. It means there may be something underneath the behavior worth understanding.

How good are your listening skills?

Real listening is more than hearing the words your child is saying.

Active listening means giving your child your attention, putting down the phone, resisting the urge to immediately solve the problem, and showing them that what they're saying matters.

Reflective listening takes it one step further.

Instead of jumping in with advice, try reflecting back what you hear:

“It sounds like you felt like I wasn't listening.”

“You're really frustrated that I made that decision.”

“You wanted me to understand your side before I responded.”

You don't have to agree with everything your child says.

Listening isn't agreeing.

It's letting your child know, “I want to understand you.”

And when a child feels heard, they are often much more open to hearing you.

That is the heart of transformational parenting: not simply changing your child's behavior, but becoming more aware of how you show up in the relationship.

Are You Focusing on What You're Doing Wrong as a Parent?

Tue, 29 Sep 2026 15:53:48 GMT

Parenting isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about being willing to learn, grow, repair, and stay connected.

As a parent, how often do you stop and think about what you’re doing right ?

When your child is struggling, pulling away, making choices you don’t agree with, or when you have a difficult interaction, is your first thought:

“Where did I go wrong?”

It’s natural. We love our children, so when things aren’t going well, we often turn inward and start looking for what we should have done differently.

But your child’s struggles aren’t automatically evidence that you’ve failed as a parent.

Parenting isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about being willing to learn, grow, repair, and stay connected.

Try asking a different question.

Instead of only looking for what needs to change, take a few minutes each morning or evening to notice what is already good.

Ask yourself:

What or whom do I love about my family life right now?

What do I appreciate about my child?

What am I doing well as a parent?

Maybe you’re listening more. Maybe you’re learning to set healthier boundaries. Maybe you’re giving your child more independence. Maybe you apologized when you got it wrong.

Those things matter.

Appreciation doesn’t mean ignoring the hard stuff. It gives you a place to stand while you work through it.

As a transformational parent coach, I believe stronger family relationships begin with becoming more aware—not more critical—of how we show up as parents.

You don't have to become a perfect parent.

You can become a more connected, intentional, and confident one.

Ready to strengthen your relationship with your child?

If you’re struggling to communicate with your child, feeling disconnected, or simply want to become a more intentional parent, parent coaching can help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and create meaningful change in your family relationships.

Let’s start with where you are—and build from there.

Are You Helping Your Child—or Enabling Them?

Wed, 02 Sep 2026 16:02:39 GMT

How to support your child without taking responsibility for their problems

As parents, we want to help our children. When they're struggling, our instinct is often to step in, fix the problem, and make things better.

But sometimes, what feels like helping can actually become enabling .

What's the Difference?

A simple way to think about it:

Helping supports someone as they learn to handle their own problems.

Enabling protects someone from the consequences of handling their own problems.

Helping builds confidence and independence. Enabling can create dependence.

What Does Helping Look Like?

Helping says:

“I'm here to support you while you figure this out.”

You might listen, offer advice, brainstorm solutions, or provide temporary support during a difficult time.

For example, if your adult child loses their job, you might help with their resume or talk through their options.

You're supporting them—but they remain responsible for taking action.

What Does Enabling Look Like?

Enabling often comes from love.

You see your child struggling and think, “I can't let them go through this.”

So you step in.

You pay the bill. Make the phone call. Make excuses. Give money. Fix the problem.

The immediate crisis goes away, but your child may learn:

“Mom or Dad will take care of this for me.”

Ask Yourself: Whose Problem Is This?

This may be the most helpful question you can ask.

If the problem belongs to your child and they are capable of handling it, your job may not be to solve it.

Instead of:

“Don't worry. I'll take care of it.”

Try:

“That sounds really hard. What do you think you want to do?”

You're still supporting them—but you're leaving the responsibility where it belongs.

Sometimes Love Means Stepping Back

Watching your child struggle is hard. We want to protect them from failure, disappointment, and consequences.

But our job isn't to create a life where our children never struggle.

It's to help them develop the confidence to handle life when it gets hard.

Before stepping in, ask yourself:

“Am I helping my child become more capable—or am I taking responsibility for something that belongs to them?”

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do isn't to fix the problem.

It's to believe they can figure it out.

Building Stronger Family Relationships

At The Family Compass , I help parents create healthier, more connected relationships with their children through practical communication tools, boundaries, and a better understanding of family patterns.

You don't have to choose between being involved and letting go.

You can stay connected without taking over.

The goal isn't perfect parenting. It's stronger family relationships.

One Thing I Would NEVER Do Again As a Parent

Sat, 01 Aug 2026 11:43:46 GMT

If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.

Someone will “win” and someone will “lose.”

And while this can be hard to recognize in the moment, power struggles are counter productive when it comes to cultivating a loving, healthy relationship with your child.

Power over dynamics are ubiquitous in our culture. However, when we tap into a larger truth we can see that everyone is divinely worthy of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Yep! Even your kids. When we succumb to the candy of a power struggle, we are diminishing our child’s (the one we’d gladly dive in front of a bus for) self-worth, inner authority and ultimately, causing separation in the relationship through an erosion of trust.

While the stakes of this seem small when children are young, this can lead to really negative repercussions when these little cuties turn into big cuties. Teenagers who aren’t in communication with their parents about big challenges make poor decisions.

However, when trust and communication strategies are established early, there is an unshakable foundation that you child knows they can rely upon. They will come to you. Even when things are hard.

This is not a case for permissive parenting.

Clearly, we are charged with teaching our children to behave in acceptable ways, and to embody the values that we hold dear. I’ve learned that this is far more effectively done through conscious communication and emotional demonstration than the old “power over” ways that most of us were parented.

When my kids were little, I followed the teachings of effective discipline from my years in education and relied on a punishment and apology frame. Time outs were the relied upon method of coercing a 3-year old to comply to my demands.
I implemented these methods of parenting for lack of a better way.

I knew that this method wasn’t going to work when my daughter wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the afternoon.

I’d damaged our relationship in the name of control, and I vowed I would never do it again.

The key is to learn to be an authoritative parent that sees, understands and respects the individual experience of your child. When you communicate clearly, and are willing to own your own emotional experience, while allowing this little human to own his or hers, you can be in a powerful cooperative relationship.

Power struggles will sometimes (rarely) be necessary. So save them for when they count.