One Thing I Would NEVER Do Again As a Parent

August 1, 2026

If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.

Someone will “win” and someone will “lose.”

And while this can be hard to recognize in the moment, power struggles are counter productive when it comes to cultivating a loving, healthy relationship with your child.

Power over dynamics are ubiquitous in our culture. However, when we tap into a larger truth we can see that everyone is divinely worthy of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Yep! Even your kids. When we succumb to the candy of a power struggle, we are diminishing our child’s (the one we’d gladly dive in front of a bus for) self-worth, inner authority and ultimately, causing separation in the relationship through an erosion of trust.

While the stakes of this seem small when children are young, this can lead to really negative repercussions when these little cuties turn into big cuties. Teenagers who aren’t in communication with their parents about big challenges make poor decisions.

However, when trust and communication strategies are established early, there is an unshakable foundation that you child knows they can rely upon. They will come to you. Even when things are hard.

This is not a case for permissive parenting.

Clearly, we are charged with teaching our children to behave in acceptable ways, and to embody the values that we hold dear. I’ve learned that this is far more effectively done through conscious communication and emotional demonstration than the old “power over” ways that most of us were parented.

When my kids were little, I followed the teachings of effective discipline from my years in education and relied on a punishment and apology frame. Time outs were the relied upon method of coercing a 3-year old to comply to my demands.
I implemented these methods of parenting for lack of a better way.

I knew that this method wasn’t going to work when my daughter wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the afternoon.

I’d damaged our relationship in the name of control, and I vowed I would never do it again.

The key is to learn to be an authoritative parent that sees, understands and respects the individual experience of your child. When you communicate clearly, and are willing to own your own emotional experience, while allowing this little human to own his or hers, you can be in a powerful cooperative relationship.

Power struggles will sometimes (rarely) be necessary. So save them for when they count.

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Are You Really Listening to Your Child?

By Lisa Friend • October 28, 2026

Maybe your child isn't trying to give you a hard time- they're trying to tell you something. Your child screams. Slams a door. Shuts down. Says, “Forget it!” Or insists, “You never listen to me!” Your first reaction might be to correct the behavior. “Don’t talk to me like that.” “Stop slamming doors.” “Calm down.” And yes, boundaries matter. But before we focus on the behavior, it may be worth asking: What is your child trying to communicate? Sometimes big behavior is a sign that a child feels unheard, misunderstood, frustrated, or disconnected. That doesn't mean screaming or slamming doors is okay. It means there may be something underneath the behavior worth understanding. How good are your listening skills? Real listening is more than hearing the words your child is saying. Active listening means giving your child your attention, putting down the phone, resisting the urge to immediately solve the problem, and showing them that what they're saying matters. Reflective listening takes it one step further. Instead of jumping in with advice, try reflecting back what you hear: “It sounds like you felt like I wasn't listening.” “You're really frustrated that I made that decision.” “You wanted me to understand your side before I responded.” You don't have to agree with everything your child says. Listening isn't agreeing. It's letting your child know, “I want to understand you.” And when a child feels heard, they are often much more open to hearing you. That is the heart of transformational parenting: not simply changing your child's behavior, but becoming more aware of how you show up in the relationship.